Your Value and Self Worth

Find your value. Value cannot be judged or measured. It is determined by the person; what's important in his or her life. Your value helps define you. Other's may not understand your value, because it's yours, but they can see how much you value yourself by the things you do, the people you surround yourself with, how you take care of yourself and present yourself. Your value influences your confidence, your attitude, your behavior, and ultimately how you view the world. What you decide is right or wrong, fair or unfair, and good or bad has a lot to do with how you value yourself and your life.

It has taken me until now (this year) to realize my own self worth. I use to believe I truly valued myself, that I knew and let other people know both my personal and professional worth. I thought by how selfless I was at work and with my friends, I was demonstrating what I knew I was capable of and what my value was as, Eleanor Grace Campbell. But the truth was that I was still waiting for others' approval and acceptance of me, the things I did, the people I chose to hang out with, and basically everything I said or did.
I had no value, at least I didn't recognize it. I needed others to like me because I didn't like me. And if that meant skipping my lunch break to cover an extra half hour for another coworker who wanted a longer lunch, or coming in early to open when I had to close 5 hours prior, I thought I was demonstrating my value. But I was really tyring to prove my value to others.

Value shouldn't have to be proven to anyone, even though, as stated above, others will notice how much you value yourself. If you know your self worth and value yourself, you shouldn't have to give all your extra time, money, and patience for people to accept you. If they don't accept you as you, why do you want their approval?
Until realizing this, I thought getting attention and making people laugh or like something I did increased my value and inherently made me a better person. Looking back, obviously that was a skewed way of thinking. Oddly enough though, even after all the compliments or supportive chuckles I'd get from the day, I'd return home and feel just as insignificant and worthless as I did the day before. No progression.
But I didn't let that get me down too much. I would just think to myself, tomorrow is another day; I'll try harder to make them like me.

Basically, I paid others to like me, be proud of me, appreciate my existence, and accept me for what they perceived me as, which was whatever I wanted them to see me as. I couldn't find my own value as a person let alone as a student, a manager, a swim instructor, a teacher, a nanny, a best friend, or even as a member of my own family, so I resorted to pleasing anyone and everyone I could for the brief exposure to feeling like I had worth and value.
I heavily relied on others to acknowledge my presence every day. It became very tiring to say the least. Having to re-earn the approval of the crowd each day caused me serious anxiety and made me fall into a depression..hating myself even more.
With my confidence and value severely lacking in numerous areas of my life, I felt I had to maintain the progress I thought I had made in finding my value as a person and as an employee. So I carried along this facade that everything was alright, that I had it all figured out, having others believe I was better off than I really was. And as long as they kept not knowing, I was fine with de-valuing myself and laying down like a doormat, people-pleasing and doing little-to-nothing that actually benefited me or helped my career.
The scariest part of all that was, I didn't realize anything of this until just a few months back. Even jumping into my own business and being self-employed, having no one I had to get approval from anymore, I was still desperately looking for others' approval of my business and what I had decided to do with my career.

What made me realize my value? Leaving the corporate world, finding and bonding with amazing people in my life that have helped me recognize my worth, my value, and what I am capable of, even without the acceptance or permission from the rest of the world. Starting my own business allowed me to take this quantum leap into the unknown, to leave the comfortability of the mundane work-life routine: wake up, commute, work, commute, sleep, wake up.
What's the significant difference between four months ago and now? I do things for myself....things I like to do. I spend time with people I want to be around and that care about me, I voice my opinions and stand up for myself a little more. I take what people say less personally and brush it off a littler easier now.
I'm nowhere near perfect, nor do I wake up feeling like the best thing that's ever happened to my neighborhood and the next few blocks down. But, I do wake up knowing what my goals are and then subsequently chasing them, without hesitation....Sometimes naively, but where I take risks, I also accept responsibility now for my failures and try to grow from them. I don't wait for others to be okay with what I'm doing. I just do what I feel is right for me. I read more often: two chapters every day actually. Sometimes I read self-growth and personal development books and novels, other days I just read through entrepreneurial texts that help me invest more into myself, my business, and my passions. I also talk to more people offline and in-person again, spending time with those that have always supported me, continue to push me to be the best I can be, and keeping those who want to be their best in my life.
Value is not discovered in a night, but it does start with one day and deciding not to let others control how you think or feel anymore.



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